December 17
Monday
I woke up today wanting to exercise, but I accidentally hit the disable bottom instead of the snooze. I woke up with Heather saying, it’s almost 6. I really wanted to exercise this morning because hadn’t all last week. I had diarrhea (sure you all wanted to know that), started last Sunday morning. The situation was so bad that even anti-diarrhea pills didn’t stop the flow. At first I thought it was the new restaurant Katrina and I tried the Friday before Sunday, then I thought it was the water we got at the very beginning of the year; it was filtered though. I couldn’t pin point the instigator so I just dealt with the problem as much as I knew how to. This last Saturday night I couldn’t handle it anymore and sucked up my pride and asked Fay. She referred me to the doctor on the compound; she said I might have had some kind of worm in my stomach. So Sunday afternoon I went to the pharmacy and picked up my savior. It was weird not to have a prescription from the doctor. All I had to do was write down what I wanted in English and tell them how much. Very easy, a little to easy…. The good thing about, it only cost 3 thousand rel, which mounts up to 75 cents in America. As of today I don’t have any diarrhea, but I’m backed up. Whatever, I would rather be held up than let the damn go.
Also on the agenda for today I got a present from Sarat. I was actually surprised. I am always yelling at him to sit down and listen to Teacher Liz. This present is very special to me. One that I will not ever throw away, or lose my accident, it was a Farris wheel. But you put a wind mill looking kind of thing into a hole and turn. The turn makes the little bears, which are on the ride, move, while playing Mozart (thought the Mozart thing was a little random, but whatever). I was really excited, it made my day!
My kids have been giving me gift since the beginning of December. Since I can’t really decorate my desk with pictures of home or little gifts I get because my room is not all that secure. So I compensate by decorating my desk with little notes my kids pass me. Like: I Love you Teacher Liz, Teacher Liz I love you girl I miss you. I love you Teacher Liz. Teacher Liz Merry Christmas and happy New Year. Samnang was the first to give me something, the rest followed. Since Sopheaktra understands English the best, all the kids ask her how to spell and write. Mostly they have her write it and then pass it off as their own. None the less I love it. It makes me feel good my kids love me.
Last week I asked Pros (Teacher @ CAS) to draw a picture of my kids and I. I want to frame it when I get home. These kids are my life now and I’m not looking forward to leaving them. I need to get a group picture while Yeema is here. She has been such a great assistant and will not be left out of the picture. I want to give Yeema something before she leaves, but I don’t really know what to give. There’s a book store here that’s the closest to Barns and Noble we have. I was thinking of giving her a book of quotes or something. I’m not sure what to give. Maybe when I get the picture of the kids, I will give her a copy, but Pros was saying it won’t be done for some time. I don’t know yet, but I know this Friday we are going to have dinner at my house. My plane doesn’t leave until midnight, so I have time.
That’s my day in a nut shell. Nothing much more to report, other than leaving for Korea this Friday; can’t wait! We are going to have so much fun. I still have yet to call Gatz to inform her when I will be arriving. Maybe I should do that….
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
First trial and error
December 16
Saturday
Today was not all that bad. I woke up refreshed and ready for the day. After church I took a nap for the first time on the balcony, in the shade of course and slept for about an hour and a half. It was nice. I’m usually not the type to nap, but what else was I going to do. Katrina and I were invited to a Christmas concert at the Inter Continental Hotel, one of two 5 star hotels in Phnom Penh. Upon arriving I was amazed how nice it was. Truth is I was uncomfortable. Why was I so uncomfortable? I have seen all this before and know how it all works, why do I get this unease feeling? Is it because I have lived a much simpler life for the past 4 months? Do I really want to go back to a luxury life style? Lets face it America is a laughing stock when we complain our life is hard. America is the land of the free and opportunity. We have laws and regulations to protect the people. Here in Cambodia you can pay off authority’s to get by with a warning. Families are sleeping under mosquito nets. You see shacks built right next mansions. People are using kids for money. Women are sexually assaulted and nothing done. Police sit on the side streets dealing who knows what. Children lie on the spot without a blink of the eye.
I feel Cambodia is a very secretive country. During the Pol Pot times people were taught to keep their mouth shut and not show emotion if they wanted to live. Most of Phnom Penh is full of the younger generation because the older generation is scared. They believe Pol Pot will come back to rule, he is believe to have died years ago. The story goes, he flee’d to the mountains and tried to form another form of rebellion. Along the way he pissed off the wrong people and in turn assassinated him. This country has gone through a lot. Yes, our country has too gone through a lot, but we have gotten back on our two feet. Other countries are still on the ground (Cambodia) and need a little help getting up. That is why I feel so great volunteering here. I know I’m doing something to help. Educating this country is very crucial. Most of the older generating doesn’t know how to read and write. Take Rithy’s mom for instance. She lived through Pol Pot times and doesn’t know how to read and write, not because she’s incapable, but because you were slaughtered for being educated, now a day she stays home playing house mom. This country is really poor and needs a hand to help.
Totally off the track, but I need to write about how we (Katrina and I) need to be more aware. You know in my past blog I talked about me getting grabbed, well tonight Katrina was grabbed again! After the concert we came home visited the Lao boys for a minute then went over to the Scotts (Fay and Tim’s last name) to play games. It was fun. We played rook. Anyway, Katrina wanted to check her e-mail really fast and it was already 10:30 p.m., but she didn’t realize it at the time. On the way home she was freighted because while at the internet shop men kept staring. She knew this was not a good idea the moment she realized the time. In the dark on the way home she couldn’t help but notice she was the only one on the street. All of a sudden she hears a moto in the distance. Getting a flash back from last time she speeds up. The moto, just as Katrina hoped wouldn’t slowed down and reached over and grabbed her, but only this time she fell off the bike. Making it home she has skinned up knees, an elbow, and surprisingly under the armpit. So for tonight I played Doctor Liz with my first aid kit I brought from home.
Why is it that people don’t learn from the first incident? I’m not just talking about this one incident, but in life generally. Come on, seriously. Think about it. How many times have you told yourself you wouldn’t do that again, but end up doing every time. Why can’t we learn from the first trail and error? Now if Katrina learned from the first incident, she would have saved her self from a couple of bandages. If I learned from the first time not to wait till the last minute, I wouldn’t be in debt to the Scott's. You know how much time, money and humiliation we would save ourselves from, if we only educated ourselves the first time. Think about this one.
As of right now its 2 a.m. and I’m pretty tired. This is the latest I have been up since I’ve arrived. Now if I learned the first time that iced coffee keeps me up I wouldn’t have ordered it from the Hotel. WHY?! I can’t be up this late. I have too much to do tomorrow. Man. If only?
Saturday
Today was not all that bad. I woke up refreshed and ready for the day. After church I took a nap for the first time on the balcony, in the shade of course and slept for about an hour and a half. It was nice. I’m usually not the type to nap, but what else was I going to do. Katrina and I were invited to a Christmas concert at the Inter Continental Hotel, one of two 5 star hotels in Phnom Penh. Upon arriving I was amazed how nice it was. Truth is I was uncomfortable. Why was I so uncomfortable? I have seen all this before and know how it all works, why do I get this unease feeling? Is it because I have lived a much simpler life for the past 4 months? Do I really want to go back to a luxury life style? Lets face it America is a laughing stock when we complain our life is hard. America is the land of the free and opportunity. We have laws and regulations to protect the people. Here in Cambodia you can pay off authority’s to get by with a warning. Families are sleeping under mosquito nets. You see shacks built right next mansions. People are using kids for money. Women are sexually assaulted and nothing done. Police sit on the side streets dealing who knows what. Children lie on the spot without a blink of the eye.
I feel Cambodia is a very secretive country. During the Pol Pot times people were taught to keep their mouth shut and not show emotion if they wanted to live. Most of Phnom Penh is full of the younger generation because the older generation is scared. They believe Pol Pot will come back to rule, he is believe to have died years ago. The story goes, he flee’d to the mountains and tried to form another form of rebellion. Along the way he pissed off the wrong people and in turn assassinated him. This country has gone through a lot. Yes, our country has too gone through a lot, but we have gotten back on our two feet. Other countries are still on the ground (Cambodia) and need a little help getting up. That is why I feel so great volunteering here. I know I’m doing something to help. Educating this country is very crucial. Most of the older generating doesn’t know how to read and write. Take Rithy’s mom for instance. She lived through Pol Pot times and doesn’t know how to read and write, not because she’s incapable, but because you were slaughtered for being educated, now a day she stays home playing house mom. This country is really poor and needs a hand to help.
Totally off the track, but I need to write about how we (Katrina and I) need to be more aware. You know in my past blog I talked about me getting grabbed, well tonight Katrina was grabbed again! After the concert we came home visited the Lao boys for a minute then went over to the Scotts (Fay and Tim’s last name) to play games. It was fun. We played rook. Anyway, Katrina wanted to check her e-mail really fast and it was already 10:30 p.m., but she didn’t realize it at the time. On the way home she was freighted because while at the internet shop men kept staring. She knew this was not a good idea the moment she realized the time. In the dark on the way home she couldn’t help but notice she was the only one on the street. All of a sudden she hears a moto in the distance. Getting a flash back from last time she speeds up. The moto, just as Katrina hoped wouldn’t slowed down and reached over and grabbed her, but only this time she fell off the bike. Making it home she has skinned up knees, an elbow, and surprisingly under the armpit. So for tonight I played Doctor Liz with my first aid kit I brought from home.
Why is it that people don’t learn from the first incident? I’m not just talking about this one incident, but in life generally. Come on, seriously. Think about it. How many times have you told yourself you wouldn’t do that again, but end up doing every time. Why can’t we learn from the first trail and error? Now if Katrina learned from the first incident, she would have saved her self from a couple of bandages. If I learned from the first time not to wait till the last minute, I wouldn’t be in debt to the Scott's. You know how much time, money and humiliation we would save ourselves from, if we only educated ourselves the first time. Think about this one.
As of right now its 2 a.m. and I’m pretty tired. This is the latest I have been up since I’ve arrived. Now if I learned the first time that iced coffee keeps me up I wouldn’t have ordered it from the Hotel. WHY?! I can’t be up this late. I have too much to do tomorrow. Man. If only?
Last minute things and such
December 14
Friday
Today I learned that you can’t do everything at the last minute. Actually I probably learned this lesson many times before, but just never learned from it. Anyway, I went to pay and pick up my ticket to Korea today with Fay, and while we were waiting I suddenly got this unease feeling, a feeling in which I only get when my card (debit) is rejected. I was reassured when the little nice Asian man tabbed me on the shoulder handing my card back. I didn’t know what to do. I’m oceans apart from home and I seriously thought my trip to Korea was over because my bank wouldn’t allow me to pay for a $750 ticket to freedom. Right then I just remembered my bank put security on my card. One in which required my pin number or else I wouldn’t be able to pay for anything over $20. I asked the people if I could enter my pin number, they simply said that you couldn’t do that because the card is run through as credit. So, there I was, not knowing what to do. So I just simply thought I could withdrawal it all from an ATM. Turns out my bank put another restriction. I can only withdrawal $200 a day. I was so frustrated. Today was my only day to pay for the plane ticket. Fay being the great person that she is offered to lend me money, I was hesitant, but took the offer and will pay her back before I leave for Korea next week. I ended up borrowing $450 from Fay and Tim. So, everyday this week I will be withdrawing $200. I’m just happy Fay and Tim offered to help me out. It was much appreciated.
Friday
Today I learned that you can’t do everything at the last minute. Actually I probably learned this lesson many times before, but just never learned from it. Anyway, I went to pay and pick up my ticket to Korea today with Fay, and while we were waiting I suddenly got this unease feeling, a feeling in which I only get when my card (debit) is rejected. I was reassured when the little nice Asian man tabbed me on the shoulder handing my card back. I didn’t know what to do. I’m oceans apart from home and I seriously thought my trip to Korea was over because my bank wouldn’t allow me to pay for a $750 ticket to freedom. Right then I just remembered my bank put security on my card. One in which required my pin number or else I wouldn’t be able to pay for anything over $20. I asked the people if I could enter my pin number, they simply said that you couldn’t do that because the card is run through as credit. So, there I was, not knowing what to do. So I just simply thought I could withdrawal it all from an ATM. Turns out my bank put another restriction. I can only withdrawal $200 a day. I was so frustrated. Today was my only day to pay for the plane ticket. Fay being the great person that she is offered to lend me money, I was hesitant, but took the offer and will pay her back before I leave for Korea next week. I ended up borrowing $450 from Fay and Tim. So, everyday this week I will be withdrawing $200. I’m just happy Fay and Tim offered to help me out. It was much appreciated.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Grabbed
December 13
Evening
Tonight I was officially scared for my life. I left Tea and Coffee (T&C) hoping a moto would pick me up right away, so I didn’t have to walk home in the dark to long. My hopes were fulfilled when a man flagged me down from the other side of the street. The moment I saw him I had this feeling in my stomach. I didn’t think too much about it. As the moto driver drew nearer I couldn’t help but noticed he was quite young and didn’t smell too bad either. He talked in Khmer as usual and I mumbled this way. Not to long after getting on he turned around as much as a moto driver could and placed his hand ever so gently between my legs and slowly processed to slide up my leg. I didn’t know what to do, so I just casually moved his hand and cured at him (even though he doesn’t understand). As the ride continued I was starting to worry, “What if he doesn’t bring me home and takes off! I don’t have my cell phone on me either to call someone, what then? What am I going to do if he takes off with me? Will I jump off or be driven to certainty of unpleasantville?” As we came closer to the intersection of Pas Mnong (Pa-s-na-ung) He turned Right and I told him to go straight. Immediately I shouted Atha (no) and pointed in the right direction. I seriously thought he was going to take me away! I just wanted off the moto and away from the creepy man.
You know the weird thing about this is that Katrina was out last night riding her bike in our neighborhood when a moto driver slowed down to get right beside here and reached over to grab her crotch. Thankfully the man just drove off and Katrina didn’t fall down and the man come back to do whatever. You know how people say it’s dangerous at night, but you think nothing will happen to me. Well, when it actually happens, you start taking into consideration the advice from others. I know from now on I will try not to go out at night with out another, and always carry my cell phone just incase. The thing is that I truly don’t know much about Cambodia and I need to remember that. There are people out there wanting to do bad things and I need to remember this. Who knows what would have happened if the moto driver took off with me. Truthfully I would rather he hit by a vehicle than rapped. So, yes, I would have probably jumped off the moto in hopes of survival.
Evening
Tonight I was officially scared for my life. I left Tea and Coffee (T&C) hoping a moto would pick me up right away, so I didn’t have to walk home in the dark to long. My hopes were fulfilled when a man flagged me down from the other side of the street. The moment I saw him I had this feeling in my stomach. I didn’t think too much about it. As the moto driver drew nearer I couldn’t help but noticed he was quite young and didn’t smell too bad either. He talked in Khmer as usual and I mumbled this way. Not to long after getting on he turned around as much as a moto driver could and placed his hand ever so gently between my legs and slowly processed to slide up my leg. I didn’t know what to do, so I just casually moved his hand and cured at him (even though he doesn’t understand). As the ride continued I was starting to worry, “What if he doesn’t bring me home and takes off! I don’t have my cell phone on me either to call someone, what then? What am I going to do if he takes off with me? Will I jump off or be driven to certainty of unpleasantville?” As we came closer to the intersection of Pas Mnong (Pa-s-na-ung) He turned Right and I told him to go straight. Immediately I shouted Atha (no) and pointed in the right direction. I seriously thought he was going to take me away! I just wanted off the moto and away from the creepy man.
You know the weird thing about this is that Katrina was out last night riding her bike in our neighborhood when a moto driver slowed down to get right beside here and reached over to grab her crotch. Thankfully the man just drove off and Katrina didn’t fall down and the man come back to do whatever. You know how people say it’s dangerous at night, but you think nothing will happen to me. Well, when it actually happens, you start taking into consideration the advice from others. I know from now on I will try not to go out at night with out another, and always carry my cell phone just incase. The thing is that I truly don’t know much about Cambodia and I need to remember that. There are people out there wanting to do bad things and I need to remember this. Who knows what would have happened if the moto driver took off with me. Truthfully I would rather he hit by a vehicle than rapped. So, yes, I would have probably jumped off the moto in hopes of survival.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Cambodia = Love
December 13
Thursday
Usually Thursday’s are easy going because of testing, but today was a disaster. First the kids were fighting in flag line up then Sarat’s parents came to the room to discuss his behavior. Yesterday he and Raksa got into a fight, over a stupid mat. I was not in the room at the time. Apparently Sarat had the mat (to sit on during lunch, only 2) and wouldn’t let him sit on it because he had a group of people already to sit with. In the end Sarat pounded on Raksa head. Raksa then took off his shoes and started whaling on Sarat; not good. I took them to the office to be punished by Sophek. This was the first time I actually had to bring a kid to the office other than for a tie.
Anyway, back to my day. It has finally hit me that Yeema is going to leave me for the year. I only have one more week with her. It’s sad to think I won’t have someone else in the room to laugh with me. Yeema has been such a good helper in more ways she thinks. One, she has kept me sane. Two, she keeps me informed about what is going on in the classroom. Three, I don’t have to run around like a chicken who’s just lost its head to find a translator, and finally, befriending me. I will miss her so much. I was telling her that it’s going to be really different without her around. I’m not worried about handling the kids, that’s the easy part, but someone I can talk to other than my room mates.
You know when I first got here I couldn’t believe I would be here for 10 months, but now I can’t believe I only have 6 more months left. Katrina says I shouldn’t dwell on the time left, but think how many more memories I can make. I really love having Katrina here with me. We seriously laugh our way through the hard times. She is great for me, because I can be pessimistic sometimes. When I left home I always knew I would be coming back, so that eased my nerves. Leaving here is going to be difficult. I have made life long friends here; Yeema, Lao boys, Ben, Kim, Angie and so many more. I just don’t want that day to come when I have to leave them for good. My realization of this is finally hitting me because Yeema is leaving me for good. I told her that when and if I go to Thailand I would stop by Mission College to take her out to dinner. She just laughed and said she would hold me to that. I love my life here in Cambodia.
Random….Riding the moto to T&C I saw my first Mormons (Asian, White, and Black). They had the whole out fit; down to the helmet. Funny.
Thursday
Usually Thursday’s are easy going because of testing, but today was a disaster. First the kids were fighting in flag line up then Sarat’s parents came to the room to discuss his behavior. Yesterday he and Raksa got into a fight, over a stupid mat. I was not in the room at the time. Apparently Sarat had the mat (to sit on during lunch, only 2) and wouldn’t let him sit on it because he had a group of people already to sit with. In the end Sarat pounded on Raksa head. Raksa then took off his shoes and started whaling on Sarat; not good. I took them to the office to be punished by Sophek. This was the first time I actually had to bring a kid to the office other than for a tie.
Anyway, back to my day. It has finally hit me that Yeema is going to leave me for the year. I only have one more week with her. It’s sad to think I won’t have someone else in the room to laugh with me. Yeema has been such a good helper in more ways she thinks. One, she has kept me sane. Two, she keeps me informed about what is going on in the classroom. Three, I don’t have to run around like a chicken who’s just lost its head to find a translator, and finally, befriending me. I will miss her so much. I was telling her that it’s going to be really different without her around. I’m not worried about handling the kids, that’s the easy part, but someone I can talk to other than my room mates.
You know when I first got here I couldn’t believe I would be here for 10 months, but now I can’t believe I only have 6 more months left. Katrina says I shouldn’t dwell on the time left, but think how many more memories I can make. I really love having Katrina here with me. We seriously laugh our way through the hard times. She is great for me, because I can be pessimistic sometimes. When I left home I always knew I would be coming back, so that eased my nerves. Leaving here is going to be difficult. I have made life long friends here; Yeema, Lao boys, Ben, Kim, Angie and so many more. I just don’t want that day to come when I have to leave them for good. My realization of this is finally hitting me because Yeema is leaving me for good. I told her that when and if I go to Thailand I would stop by Mission College to take her out to dinner. She just laughed and said she would hold me to that. I love my life here in Cambodia.
Random….Riding the moto to T&C I saw my first Mormons (Asian, White, and Black). They had the whole out fit; down to the helmet. Funny.
Narrow Road
December 11
Tuesday
Recently I have been watching Sex in the City and I have just finished an episode where one of the characters got a pair of shoes stolen which mounted up to $480. In the end the woman got the shoes back, but had to convince here friend to pay for them because they were stolen while at her house. I guess what I’m trying to say is, why do we need things to make us happy? Why can’t we just be happy with what we have already? Living in Cambodia everyday has opened my eyes to so much. I remember while I was at college everything was about money; tuition, car, Starbucks, food, oh, and how could I forget loans. This is just a fraction of what you all know I’m forgetting. Our lives revolve around money. I even made my major decision around how much money I would make a year. The truth is I’m afraid to become a teacher because of the pay.
Lately the worship talks in the morning from Sharon have been about letting God take control and go where he wants you to go. She has reassured us that following God is not an easy path. The road is narrow and straight. Have you read the book, The Pilgrims Progress? It about a man trying to find his way to God, Christian (name of the character) had a dream revealing the future of the world, which in turn become the burden on his back. Anyways, Christian decided to leave his family and follow God. Through out the whole book it keeps saying the road to God is narrow and straight, and only Satan will make “short-cuts”. Is money my short-cut?
I have been thinking, “What does God want me to do?” Should I go with my gut feeling and become a teacher and work within the Adventist system or follow my dreams in becoming a forensic psychologist, humm…. Who ever said being a disciple for God is easy. Disciples get criticized, laughed at, humiliated, and treated unjust. This doesn’t sound all that fun. But we as Christians think about the long run; heaven. I so badly want to spend eternity in heaven with God. Last week we had week of prayer. The guest speaker gave student the opportunity to ask question. One of the question stuck with me, how can one be happy in heaven when you know your family won’t be there? Wow! I never thought about that. How could one be happy when you don’t have family around? Let’s face, for most people family is all they got. Could one be truly happy? I still have not come to a conclusion about this, but when I do I will update you.
Tuesday
Recently I have been watching Sex in the City and I have just finished an episode where one of the characters got a pair of shoes stolen which mounted up to $480. In the end the woman got the shoes back, but had to convince here friend to pay for them because they were stolen while at her house. I guess what I’m trying to say is, why do we need things to make us happy? Why can’t we just be happy with what we have already? Living in Cambodia everyday has opened my eyes to so much. I remember while I was at college everything was about money; tuition, car, Starbucks, food, oh, and how could I forget loans. This is just a fraction of what you all know I’m forgetting. Our lives revolve around money. I even made my major decision around how much money I would make a year. The truth is I’m afraid to become a teacher because of the pay.
Lately the worship talks in the morning from Sharon have been about letting God take control and go where he wants you to go. She has reassured us that following God is not an easy path. The road is narrow and straight. Have you read the book, The Pilgrims Progress? It about a man trying to find his way to God, Christian (name of the character) had a dream revealing the future of the world, which in turn become the burden on his back. Anyways, Christian decided to leave his family and follow God. Through out the whole book it keeps saying the road to God is narrow and straight, and only Satan will make “short-cuts”. Is money my short-cut?
I have been thinking, “What does God want me to do?” Should I go with my gut feeling and become a teacher and work within the Adventist system or follow my dreams in becoming a forensic psychologist, humm…. Who ever said being a disciple for God is easy. Disciples get criticized, laughed at, humiliated, and treated unjust. This doesn’t sound all that fun. But we as Christians think about the long run; heaven. I so badly want to spend eternity in heaven with God. Last week we had week of prayer. The guest speaker gave student the opportunity to ask question. One of the question stuck with me, how can one be happy in heaven when you know your family won’t be there? Wow! I never thought about that. How could one be happy when you don’t have family around? Let’s face, for most people family is all they got. Could one be truly happy? I still have not come to a conclusion about this, but when I do I will update you.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Lastest news with my class and such
December 3
Today was an ok day. I have been trying to go to T&C all weekend and finally got here. Although my kids can be annoying, the little things they do make up for it all. Like today, I was sitting at my desk when I felt something rub my leg. At first I thought it was a mouse or a lizard, but didn’t want to freak out just yet, so I just shook it off. The next second I felt it again and jumped out of my desk screeching. Looking back I see Chanlyda sitting under my desk laughing her head off. I couldn’t help but laugh too, but man did that ever scare me. I don’t know if it was last week or the week before, but I had a lizard fall on my arm. Oh and this morning I had a mouse the size of a good sized grape fruit scurry across my feet. Pagna was in the room and just laugh at me. My room is full of little critters. I see mice all day long running along the bamboo. I’m just waiting for the day when I a mouse fall’s from the ceiling landing on my head. Katrina and I always joke about it saying, I will just walk out of the room and get on the next plane out of Phnom Penh to the U.S. Little by little I’m almost sure it will happen. Choronei keeps making little notes to give me. Their sweet, he says he want to buy me a Christmas present. And Sopheaktra keeps bringing me little treats from home and says she loves Teacher Yeema and Me. Its cute and makes me feel good. I almost wonder how these kids could love me. I’m so strict. Everyday I fall even more in love with my kids. It will be really hard for me to leave. I was talking to my mom last weekend and she can’t believe its only been 3 months. I can’t believe I only have seven months left; don’t want to leave. I have a life here. Yes, it’s hard, but friends and my class make up for the bad. I’m going to have the hardest time leave. It’s going to be a joyful, but sad day. I know that when I leave I will never see these people again in my life. Very depressing! It was hard to leave home, but I knew I was always going to come back. Here, I know I won’t.
I have to take individual pictures of every kid of mine to keep forever.
Here is the latest news with my class. I have finally put Try Try Net, Popata, and Sreynut in Kim’s class. As of today I don’t have to worry about them. I know it will be best for them. I was feeling a little sad, but knew it was for the best. Also, there was not continuity between Kim and mine class because of the age difference and Sharon decided to have Kim write the lesson plans for both classes. Well actually she writes one for her class then photocopies one for me. I have no say in what goes on in my class anymore. I literally have to run everything by Kim before I can to it. I was really frustrated with this at first and felt like Sharon didn’t think I was doing a good job and wasn’t telling me. But its turns out some kids were saying that my class is better than the other kindergarten class. In a way that is true because my kids are older and can do more; me being the teacher should push them to do better, but Sharon didn’t want me to do this. She wanted continuity. Meaning I have to do everything Kim does. The most frustrating thing about this is that Kim is either really far behind me or ahead. Like in math we just finished a chapter and are having to re-do it because Kim hasn’t done it and is working on that chapter this week. I have to make worksheets or just teach a different subject to catch up with Kim. For instance Kim is already done with Off We Go. My understanding is that we had to use that book all first semester and do Race A Way last Semester. But, Kim is already done with the first book and I have to push my kids to get it all done in two or three week. Frustrating! Its ok though because I know my kids can do it. I have faith in them. At first I was really confused about the whole thing and felt like I wanted to cry when she (Sharon) talked to me after worship. I literally had to bite my lips from crying. I didn’t want my kids worrying or draw attention to myself than I already do. I have come to terms with it and realize that Sharon doesn’t think I’m doing a horrible job. She just wants continuity between the classes. She did say however that she has never had SM’s (Katrina and I) take the little kids under their wing and do so much for them. Like buying accessories for the classroom, or playing with them during, before, and after school, this made me feel like she really appreciates my work here.
Today was an ok day. I have been trying to go to T&C all weekend and finally got here. Although my kids can be annoying, the little things they do make up for it all. Like today, I was sitting at my desk when I felt something rub my leg. At first I thought it was a mouse or a lizard, but didn’t want to freak out just yet, so I just shook it off. The next second I felt it again and jumped out of my desk screeching. Looking back I see Chanlyda sitting under my desk laughing her head off. I couldn’t help but laugh too, but man did that ever scare me. I don’t know if it was last week or the week before, but I had a lizard fall on my arm. Oh and this morning I had a mouse the size of a good sized grape fruit scurry across my feet. Pagna was in the room and just laugh at me. My room is full of little critters. I see mice all day long running along the bamboo. I’m just waiting for the day when I a mouse fall’s from the ceiling landing on my head. Katrina and I always joke about it saying, I will just walk out of the room and get on the next plane out of Phnom Penh to the U.S. Little by little I’m almost sure it will happen. Choronei keeps making little notes to give me. Their sweet, he says he want to buy me a Christmas present. And Sopheaktra keeps bringing me little treats from home and says she loves Teacher Yeema and Me. Its cute and makes me feel good. I almost wonder how these kids could love me. I’m so strict. Everyday I fall even more in love with my kids. It will be really hard for me to leave. I was talking to my mom last weekend and she can’t believe its only been 3 months. I can’t believe I only have seven months left; don’t want to leave. I have a life here. Yes, it’s hard, but friends and my class make up for the bad. I’m going to have the hardest time leave. It’s going to be a joyful, but sad day. I know that when I leave I will never see these people again in my life. Very depressing! It was hard to leave home, but I knew I was always going to come back. Here, I know I won’t.
I have to take individual pictures of every kid of mine to keep forever.
Here is the latest news with my class. I have finally put Try Try Net, Popata, and Sreynut in Kim’s class. As of today I don’t have to worry about them. I know it will be best for them. I was feeling a little sad, but knew it was for the best. Also, there was not continuity between Kim and mine class because of the age difference and Sharon decided to have Kim write the lesson plans for both classes. Well actually she writes one for her class then photocopies one for me. I have no say in what goes on in my class anymore. I literally have to run everything by Kim before I can to it. I was really frustrated with this at first and felt like Sharon didn’t think I was doing a good job and wasn’t telling me. But its turns out some kids were saying that my class is better than the other kindergarten class. In a way that is true because my kids are older and can do more; me being the teacher should push them to do better, but Sharon didn’t want me to do this. She wanted continuity. Meaning I have to do everything Kim does. The most frustrating thing about this is that Kim is either really far behind me or ahead. Like in math we just finished a chapter and are having to re-do it because Kim hasn’t done it and is working on that chapter this week. I have to make worksheets or just teach a different subject to catch up with Kim. For instance Kim is already done with Off We Go. My understanding is that we had to use that book all first semester and do Race A Way last Semester. But, Kim is already done with the first book and I have to push my kids to get it all done in two or three week. Frustrating! Its ok though because I know my kids can do it. I have faith in them. At first I was really confused about the whole thing and felt like I wanted to cry when she (Sharon) talked to me after worship. I literally had to bite my lips from crying. I didn’t want my kids worrying or draw attention to myself than I already do. I have come to terms with it and realize that Sharon doesn’t think I’m doing a horrible job. She just wants continuity between the classes. She did say however that she has never had SM’s (Katrina and I) take the little kids under their wing and do so much for them. Like buying accessories for the classroom, or playing with them during, before, and after school, this made me feel like she really appreciates my work here.
Weekend to remember
November 24-27
On top of my realization of my youth going down the drain, I had a run in with Rithy. I want to give you a little back round. Some Asian cultures don’t believe in losing face. Losing face is when you confront someone about a conflict. You rarely ever hear of a conflict between two people. What ends up happening is the problem festers inside of the hurt one and is never truly solved. The hurt/annoyed one talks to everyone else, but the one whom caused the problem. I was talking to Fay about this and she made it sound like time will heal the wound or the people (ones in conflict) never talk to each other. This maybe the way it’s solved here in Asia, but its not going to happen with me! Just because I’m here in Asia doesn’t mean I have to change the way I deal with my problems. Yes! I have to be respectful of their culture, but you have to give me some slack because I have never been exposed to this kind of culture. In my culture (Native American) we fight out loud. Walking around like everything is ok is not fair to you or the one you’re secretly mad at. Why should you keep everything inside and never solve the problem? I know that some may appose what I say, however that is how I feel. No one can tell me what I feel is wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own feeling. I am so tired of explaining myself to others. I am having the hardest time with Katrina. She makes me feel like my problems are not legitimate reasons to be mad. I think our (Katrina and I) problem is difference in personalities. She is a peace-maker; me, when I’m mad I’m going to let the person know. Yes! I will talk to the person eventually. Don’t worry I’m not one to hold grudges for years on end, but I do hold grudges for sometime. Tops 1 week, it really depends on the situation. Any who, I have talk to Katrina about the way I feel and we just seem to still be bumping heads. It really hurts me when someone makes me feel like my problems are not legitimate enough. Right now I just don’t want to talk to her at all because I’m walking on egg shells with my feeling. I can’t tell her how I truly feel anymore. Katrina and I can still be good friends, but I’m no longer comfortable telling her about how I feel.
Wow! I didn’t realize I went off track like that. I started talking about Rithy, then to Katrina. Umm…. Ok, Rithy situation, on Saturday night I was informed that Rithy was irritated at me because I let, “Oh my God,” slip around Ly Chard (Rithy’s nephew). I’m not going to lie that has slipped around Ly Chard before, but I have always caught myself and informed Ly Chard not to say that. Rithy also had a problem with me hanging out the Laos boys to much and staying over there to late. I admit I have fallen asleep during the movies on Saturday night, but it was never intentional. The Laos boys always wake me up; not like I stay the night. So I confronted Rithy about the problem (losing face) and lost my temper. I first of should not have confronted Rithy that moment. What I should have done is thought about it while gathering my thought then discussed the situation with him. But, I didn’t and it turned out to be a disaster. It ended with me pissed off and not ever wanting to go over to Rithy’s again.
Oh, and on top of that Kim was really mad at me because I wanted to quote here on what Rithy said to her (that was wrong). Going up the stairs to ask, Kim looked at me in disgust saying, “I’m through with you guys (Katrina was there)!” I was totally confused, but didn’t want to chase her down and figure out the problem. After that I just went home and text Kim and Ben saying I’m sorry. They replied saying they didn’t want anything to do with us anymore. I was feeling really bad at this point. YOU Know what! I never did tell you that Kim told Katrina what Rithy had said about me then Katrina told me. So, that is why I wanted to get information out of Kim, but ended in a casualty. All in all the weekend didn’t end well. I was so frustrated about everything that I literally couldn’t sleep. I kept waking up thinking about it.
The next morning Kim came to the house with vegetable noodles. It tuned out that Kim was totally playing with us. She was never mad at us. She was actually frustrated with Rithy because he snapped at her right after I talked to him. When I text her saying I’m sorry she wanted to joke around. I really didn’t think that was to funny at first, but after some time I just laughed about the whole thing. This really helped ease the frustrating.
During the day I found sometime to talk to Fay about Asian culture. I asked her if it would be ok to talk to Rithy and say I’m sorry, she strongly advised it. In fact she said it would be better if I totally took blame for everything. That way Rithy wouldn’t have hard feeling towards me. I really didn’t want to take blame for everything, but did because I didn’t want tension. I guess you have to choose your battles. I did however tell Rithy that I wanted him to tell me if he ever didn’t “understand” something I did. He assured me he would, but kept implying that I’m a teacher and shouldn’t be told what is right or wrong. I assured him that it won’t hurt me a bit to be told if I’m wrong. Actually I said it would build my character. Not sure if he totally understood that. Any who, Rithy and I are not in a fight anymore, and my weekend finally ended with all of us (Rithy’s household (Lao boys, Ben, Kim and Ly Chard) and Katrina) going to the water festival.
It was a blast. We walked around for about seven hours. I have never seen so many people in my life. I was literally touched everywhere when the festival was finally over. Seriously you had to squeeze your way through the crowd. Sopheck’s youngest sister was holding my hand the whole time. I’m use to people hanging on to me, but here same sex hold hands or link arms. I personally don’t want someone crapping my style. LOL! Just to give you an example of how touchy they are; upon arriving I thought Rithy was gay. He will hold hands with other guys and play with their hair when sitting next to him. When Phil visited Rithy wouldn’t stop touching him. Phil didn’t really know what to think. So yeah… Going back to the states I probably won’t think too much about it when I see men holding hands. Back on track, Dream (from Laos) threw darts and won me a stuffed puppy. The puppy its self is not all that cute, but it has sentimental value.
So, I guess my weekend didn’t end all that badly. I overcame some problems and lost a battle, but just think if you win every battle how many friends are you going to have.
On top of my realization of my youth going down the drain, I had a run in with Rithy. I want to give you a little back round. Some Asian cultures don’t believe in losing face. Losing face is when you confront someone about a conflict. You rarely ever hear of a conflict between two people. What ends up happening is the problem festers inside of the hurt one and is never truly solved. The hurt/annoyed one talks to everyone else, but the one whom caused the problem. I was talking to Fay about this and she made it sound like time will heal the wound or the people (ones in conflict) never talk to each other. This maybe the way it’s solved here in Asia, but its not going to happen with me! Just because I’m here in Asia doesn’t mean I have to change the way I deal with my problems. Yes! I have to be respectful of their culture, but you have to give me some slack because I have never been exposed to this kind of culture. In my culture (Native American) we fight out loud. Walking around like everything is ok is not fair to you or the one you’re secretly mad at. Why should you keep everything inside and never solve the problem? I know that some may appose what I say, however that is how I feel. No one can tell me what I feel is wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own feeling. I am so tired of explaining myself to others. I am having the hardest time with Katrina. She makes me feel like my problems are not legitimate reasons to be mad. I think our (Katrina and I) problem is difference in personalities. She is a peace-maker; me, when I’m mad I’m going to let the person know. Yes! I will talk to the person eventually. Don’t worry I’m not one to hold grudges for years on end, but I do hold grudges for sometime. Tops 1 week, it really depends on the situation. Any who, I have talk to Katrina about the way I feel and we just seem to still be bumping heads. It really hurts me when someone makes me feel like my problems are not legitimate enough. Right now I just don’t want to talk to her at all because I’m walking on egg shells with my feeling. I can’t tell her how I truly feel anymore. Katrina and I can still be good friends, but I’m no longer comfortable telling her about how I feel.
Wow! I didn’t realize I went off track like that. I started talking about Rithy, then to Katrina. Umm…. Ok, Rithy situation, on Saturday night I was informed that Rithy was irritated at me because I let, “Oh my God,” slip around Ly Chard (Rithy’s nephew). I’m not going to lie that has slipped around Ly Chard before, but I have always caught myself and informed Ly Chard not to say that. Rithy also had a problem with me hanging out the Laos boys to much and staying over there to late. I admit I have fallen asleep during the movies on Saturday night, but it was never intentional. The Laos boys always wake me up; not like I stay the night. So I confronted Rithy about the problem (losing face) and lost my temper. I first of should not have confronted Rithy that moment. What I should have done is thought about it while gathering my thought then discussed the situation with him. But, I didn’t and it turned out to be a disaster. It ended with me pissed off and not ever wanting to go over to Rithy’s again.
Oh, and on top of that Kim was really mad at me because I wanted to quote here on what Rithy said to her (that was wrong). Going up the stairs to ask, Kim looked at me in disgust saying, “I’m through with you guys (Katrina was there)!” I was totally confused, but didn’t want to chase her down and figure out the problem. After that I just went home and text Kim and Ben saying I’m sorry. They replied saying they didn’t want anything to do with us anymore. I was feeling really bad at this point. YOU Know what! I never did tell you that Kim told Katrina what Rithy had said about me then Katrina told me. So, that is why I wanted to get information out of Kim, but ended in a casualty. All in all the weekend didn’t end well. I was so frustrated about everything that I literally couldn’t sleep. I kept waking up thinking about it.
The next morning Kim came to the house with vegetable noodles. It tuned out that Kim was totally playing with us. She was never mad at us. She was actually frustrated with Rithy because he snapped at her right after I talked to him. When I text her saying I’m sorry she wanted to joke around. I really didn’t think that was to funny at first, but after some time I just laughed about the whole thing. This really helped ease the frustrating.
During the day I found sometime to talk to Fay about Asian culture. I asked her if it would be ok to talk to Rithy and say I’m sorry, she strongly advised it. In fact she said it would be better if I totally took blame for everything. That way Rithy wouldn’t have hard feeling towards me. I really didn’t want to take blame for everything, but did because I didn’t want tension. I guess you have to choose your battles. I did however tell Rithy that I wanted him to tell me if he ever didn’t “understand” something I did. He assured me he would, but kept implying that I’m a teacher and shouldn’t be told what is right or wrong. I assured him that it won’t hurt me a bit to be told if I’m wrong. Actually I said it would build my character. Not sure if he totally understood that. Any who, Rithy and I are not in a fight anymore, and my weekend finally ended with all of us (Rithy’s household (Lao boys, Ben, Kim and Ly Chard) and Katrina) going to the water festival.
It was a blast. We walked around for about seven hours. I have never seen so many people in my life. I was literally touched everywhere when the festival was finally over. Seriously you had to squeeze your way through the crowd. Sopheck’s youngest sister was holding my hand the whole time. I’m use to people hanging on to me, but here same sex hold hands or link arms. I personally don’t want someone crapping my style. LOL! Just to give you an example of how touchy they are; upon arriving I thought Rithy was gay. He will hold hands with other guys and play with their hair when sitting next to him. When Phil visited Rithy wouldn’t stop touching him. Phil didn’t really know what to think. So yeah… Going back to the states I probably won’t think too much about it when I see men holding hands. Back on track, Dream (from Laos) threw darts and won me a stuffed puppy. The puppy its self is not all that cute, but it has sentimental value.
So, I guess my weekend didn’t end all that badly. I overcame some problems and lost a battle, but just think if you win every battle how many friends are you going to have.
Day after Thanksgiving
November 23
Friday
I have chains I can’t break, chains that seem to get tighter and tighter as I live here. I know that I signed up to be a student missionary for this year, but sometimes I wonder if I fully thought this through. Tonight was the first time I cried because I miss home, friends and my youth. I went out with G1 last night and we hung out with some of him friends, but I was just was miserable. I came to the realization that I can’t be young anymore. I can’t just do want I want to do. I have so many rules to follow (unwritten), so many expectations to live up to. Sometimes I wonder if I can handle it all. Coming to the realization of growing up is scary. I am responsible for myself. I can’t blame it on anyone else. Last night Katrina and I were talking, she gave me good advice, but I didn’t want advice or the realization of my problem pushed back into my face by another. I just wanted her to sympathies with me. I guess this is part of growing up; you are not always going to get it the way you want it.
When I got the job at Papoose a few summers ago it was really scary for me. I was realizing that I can’t rely on Mom and Dad anymore. I have to stand on my own two feet. Which is fine for me, but hard to comprehend; you know, I have been pretty independent ever since MEA. But living in the dorm you are still under rules. Here (Cambodia) I’m not really required to do anything, but you are “given” the rules. Meaning no one is going to make you do anything, but if you want to keep your job then you better. I guess that is how life is. You are not forced to do anything, however you have to live with the consequences.
As each day goes by I’m learning more and more. Its nice to know I have friends and family to always fall on when things fall though. Also, I like knowing my family knows I can do anything I want to. I still remember my Mom’s face expression when I came back from Camp Paxson wanting to go to MEA. She didn’t believe me at first thinking it was a phase, however one week before school started I was asking, “When can I enroll?” Priceless.
Friday
I have chains I can’t break, chains that seem to get tighter and tighter as I live here. I know that I signed up to be a student missionary for this year, but sometimes I wonder if I fully thought this through. Tonight was the first time I cried because I miss home, friends and my youth. I went out with G1 last night and we hung out with some of him friends, but I was just was miserable. I came to the realization that I can’t be young anymore. I can’t just do want I want to do. I have so many rules to follow (unwritten), so many expectations to live up to. Sometimes I wonder if I can handle it all. Coming to the realization of growing up is scary. I am responsible for myself. I can’t blame it on anyone else. Last night Katrina and I were talking, she gave me good advice, but I didn’t want advice or the realization of my problem pushed back into my face by another. I just wanted her to sympathies with me. I guess this is part of growing up; you are not always going to get it the way you want it.
When I got the job at Papoose a few summers ago it was really scary for me. I was realizing that I can’t rely on Mom and Dad anymore. I have to stand on my own two feet. Which is fine for me, but hard to comprehend; you know, I have been pretty independent ever since MEA. But living in the dorm you are still under rules. Here (Cambodia) I’m not really required to do anything, but you are “given” the rules. Meaning no one is going to make you do anything, but if you want to keep your job then you better. I guess that is how life is. You are not forced to do anything, however you have to live with the consequences.
As each day goes by I’m learning more and more. Its nice to know I have friends and family to always fall on when things fall though. Also, I like knowing my family knows I can do anything I want to. I still remember my Mom’s face expression when I came back from Camp Paxson wanting to go to MEA. She didn’t believe me at first thinking it was a phase, however one week before school started I was asking, “When can I enroll?” Priceless.
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