The end is coming to FAST!

May 22
Thursday

Today was a really good day. I printed off the majority of my tests and gave them to Sopheck, and all of my kids did quite well on tests. We only had three day of school this week and I was pressed for time for tests and quizzes, but my kids did well. Although this whole week I felt overwhelmed with finishing the final tests, midterms, and no lesson plans. I’m a little frustrated with Kim right now because she has not made lesson plans for almost a month. It bothers me because she is supposed to make lesson plans for both of us, and without them I feel disorganized. Most of you know that when I’m disorganized things go wrong and I get behind. Truth be told we are behind in our English magic time book because she didn’t take the time to calculate out the timing. I have been rushing through our English book to get it all done. I know my kids can do it, but I had to do this last time with my Off We Go books and now I’m having troubles with my kids remembering the last six letters of the alphabet. Remember when Sharon wanted Kim to start making lesson plans for both of our classes and I had to either speed up or slow way down. Anyway, I am having problems again, but you know what I should do is just stop and think. I can do it myself. If Kim gives me lesson plans then I will use them, but if she doesn’t then I will have my own and if Sharon asks me why I’m teaching different things from Kim I will just tell her why. I have not talked to Kim about it, but every Monday I go to her room and ask for the lesson plans and every time I leave empty handed I make it clear that I’m not happy. I should not do this, but rather talk to her and say that when she doesn’t make them if causes problems for me.

If I have learned anything from my past experiences, it’s that when there is a problem I need to tell it out. Keeping it inside does nothing, but cause bigger problems. The end of the year is approaching fast and I’m not sure how to feel. I know that when the day comes to leave I will be very sad. I was talking to Dream last night about leaving and I said that I might come back in June again to see them, Ben, Kim and the baby. But, that is just an idea. I would love to, but theoretically I probably won’t happen. We will see. Tomorrow I’m going to hang out with Boramey. My flip flops I bought while in Thailand with Katrina have developed a hole. I would just buy another pair, but I’m big foot and they only make size 40 and I’m a size 42. Boramey is going to take me to a place she thinks will work. I am also going to try and finish my tests. Pray that I get them done because the end is coming soon and I want to get organized. I want to make lesson plans for the rest of the year so that I can make sure my kids know all the information on the tests. Pray that they can remember all of them and that all the teachers at CAS can finish strong.

Papaya Salad!

May 13-19
Tuesday-Monday

We had another holiday. This holiday was for the King’s Birthday (Tuesday through Friday off). Even with the holiday I was going to work to get my tests done and I still have not finished. I only have to do Science and Math. Math is going to take me the longest because I have to make lines and draw things; not to hard, but very time consuming. Last quarters test I did and it took me for ever to do, and it didn’t even last me an hour. I need to add more and make it a little harder.

I have to say. I’m really proud of one of my students. Bunthorng (Bun-thong) He has made huge improvements. At the beginning of the year; no, throughout the whole year he has never done to well in my class. Its not that I don’t try and help him, but rather that he doesn’t pay attention in class. But recently I have been putting him with kids smarter than him and I think its starting to rub off on him because he is starting to learn how to phonetically spell words. Meaning if I say the sound he can write the letter and spell the word. I first noticed this earlier this week. I was giving a mini quiz to see where they are in spelling and reading and he did quite well. But you know what; I guess he has been doing this for sometime now because when I would correct his quizzes/tests he would do better than usual. I guess I just never thought too much about it, but now I know what I need to do to help him out. I’m really proud of him. Its little things like this that makes me want to become a teacher. I love knowing that I have helped this child learn to read. Maybe I will get something for him and have a Khmer teacher translate for me when I give it to him and explain why.

Ok, now back to what I did over my holiday. I didn’t do too much, but I hung out with Boramey and the Lao boys a lot. During the day I would get up and head right over to their house with my computer and work. At night we would watch a movie or play cards. Oh! On the 15^th we celebrated Nova’s birthday. If it wasn’t for Lakena (Senior) bringing a present to him we would of never known. It just so happened that I wanted to learn how to make papaya salad that night. I had promised Khamphia that we would do it last weekend, but I just forgot, but he reminded me that day. So, Boramey and I went to Pa-sa-ma-oung (market by our house) to buy all the ingredients. I want to make it for my friends and family when I go home. It’s really good! Every time I go out to eat I order it; Som tom. That night was one of the best nights ever. We made papaya salad, watched a movie and took lots of pictures. Also Boramey stayed at my house for the first time. It was just an enjoyable night. I am truly going to miss those boys. I love each and every one of them for different reasons.

What I just remembered one more thing. One night Singkham and I went to the internet shop with Boramey’s moto and while we were there it started raining like crazy! Singkham didn’t want to go out in the rain, but I really wanted to get all wet. So we headed out! We drove around on the moto for about 20 mins in the rain! Once we got home Boramey and I played in the rain for awhile. The rain is so warm here that you don’t have to worry about getting sick.

During the holiday we talked a lot about my trip to Loa’s. So far I have figured out that I’m going to stop at Dreams province first with Khamphia and Nova; stay their one or two day then travel onto Porms province with Khamphia and Nova for sure. Dream might have to stay at home to help for the rest of the week, but we will see. Oh, and interesting thing, I have to ask Porms village first before I can stay, not sure why, but I just hope I can. After Porms province Khamphia, Nova and I will travel on to Venetian (Capital of Laos). I will then go to see waterfalls, and travel onto another part of Laos with Khamphia and whoever wants to come. I’m really excited to see how this all plays out. At first, when I was thinking of going, I was a little worried because I was going to be by myself, but they keep assuring me that they won’t leave me. I went and talked to Fay about it earlier and she said that when they went Khamphia was their helping the whole time. So that gives me some assurance that he won’t leave me. When I fly back to Phnom Penh from Laos I’m hoping to visit Siem Reap (Ankor Wat) with Boramey. I will be really short on time, but I am going to try and make it all happen. If I start to pack before I leave for Laos I will have more time. Because as of right now I am coming back from Laos on the 11^th (Friday) and the following day I would leave to Siem Reap with Boramey then come back on the 13^th (Sunday) or 14^th (Monday) and then pack to leave on the 16^th (Wednesday). Not much time to get ready to leave, but I will try and make it happen. Man, am I going to be really tired of traveling. Once I leave on the 30^th to Laos I will be doing nothing but traveling until I get home! I hope I’m not too cranky when I come home. You know, if I’m correct I arrive in Bozeman at night, like 10 or 11:30ish. You all will be tired and I will be set to go. My mom says that she is going to drive my car up so that I can drive it home. I really can’t wait to be able to drive myself to places. I do love riding moto’s, but at the same time I miss being able to drive myself.

So, that is what has been going on in my life right now. I have only a few more weeks of school left and I have mixed feeling about it. I am going to miss all of this. When I go home please be understanding if I want to come back. Its not that I don’t love you, I just love being abroad. I was talking to Darren Wilkins about this a long time ago and I still can remember what he said to me, “Once you get the travelers bug you don’t want to stop.”

Sambo

May 18 (May 11, Sunday)
Sunday

Like I said I’m really getting behind on my blogspot. Anyway, last Sunday afternoon Boramey and I went to Wat Phnom to ride an elephant. Remember when I said we would do it awhile ago, but we just never could make a good time for both of us, so a couple of weeks later we finally did it. I was so excited too! We arrived there just about the time it was scheduled to rain (3-4 p.m), but thankfully it didn’t rain. What I was so surprised with was how easy it was to get onto the elephant. Sambo (his name, which means a lot) just walked right under stairs, which you climb to get on. The forty year old elephant must have done this so much that it all comes natural. Sambo could probably walk around without someone leading him and be perfectly fine. As we were getting on and getting situated I dropped my camera! I was really worried someone would run under Sambo and take off with it, but fortunately the man in charge just picked it up and gave it back to me on a stick that he uses to guide Sambo. Just as we were ready to take off a man approached us and asked if a little boy could ride with us. It didn’t matter to me. So, he climbed on and we headed off. The ride was really fun. Sambo of course had to walk right into the branches. LOL! Everyone was looking and smiling. The ride lasted for about 20-30 minutes. What I loved was how we all moved to one side of Sambo with each step. His head had long grayish hair. I wanted to touch him with my feet so I took my shoes off and felt every movement on top of his neck; soft and squishy. Before the ride I had bought some corn from a street cart (1000rel; 25cents) and started to eat it. I offered the little boy and Boramey some, but none takers.

After the ride we got a picture with Sambo, and a little more. The man whom approached us at the beginning came to say thanks and explain the little boy. It turns out that the he has Aids. His parents died because of it and now the boy is going to face the same fate. I was completely blown away. How could a little boy have Aids? Why? He is only twelve years old and will never get to even have the option of having the joys of growing up. The man was running an orphanage filled with children like this little boy. He was French and could speak Khmer. At first he started talking to me in French, but I said I’m American. He couldn’t speak good enough English so I asked him in broken English if he could speak Khmer; thankfully he could. Boramey translated for me and I got the whole story. The man (father) was taking him around Phnom Penh to do what he wants for his last weeks on earth. I didn’t know what to say to the man. I was so blown away with the little boy. WHY? Why, was he burdened with this?

After the elephant experience we went to the Olympic Stadium. I have driven by it so many times and always wondered what went on, that day my questions were answered. As I walked in there were at least 20 games of football (soccer) go on. In order to keep the games divided they would use their shoes as goalies and boundaries. We had to run in between people to get across the way. We walked up lots of stairs to get into the bowl of the stadium. At the time there was a college football game going on. I’m not much of a football fan, but it was nice to see all the people running along the stadium stairs. At four o’clock people start dancing for exercise. They set up different stations for you to choose. It only cost 500rel (13cents) to participate. I saw anywhere between twelve years of age to forty. It was pretty nice to see a different part of Cambodia. It’s nice to know that some people actually work to stay small.

David's house

May 14 (April 16^th or 17^th)
Wednesday

I have been intending to write about my visit to David’s house for a long time, but just never go around to it. During my last break (Khmer New Year) all the Lao students, Ben, Kim and I all went to David’s house. David is a tenth grader at the school and his sister Pon-luor (no idea how to spell) is in twelfth grade. Their father (Tendou) is the pastor in the Kal Dal province. It took us about 30-40mins to get there. David rides his bike to school everyday! The whole family is really good in English. This is the kind of family where the parents study with the kids. Tendou knows not only Khmer and English, but also Thia and Lao. Ben asked him how he learned so many different languages, he responded, “Learn little by little from people and put it into practice.”

We made lunch and ate together. I was most excited about the food because it was really different. Ok, just have to say when they eat fish they don’t cut the scales off or head. All they do is gut it and then stick the whole thing in to a pan, plop it on a plate and eat. I was first introduced to this when the Lao boys made me dinner way at the beginning of the year. I didn’t know how to eat it, but Katrina showed me how; thankfully. I’m not a fish fan to begin with, but its starting to grow on me. Anyway we had chicken, fish, vegetables, rice (given), and mango. It was delicious!

After lunch we went outside in front of the house where they garden (sell) mango trees. We laid down bamboo mates and all chilled out for the afternoon. I was so stuffed from lunch I fell asleep while everyone else played games. Once I woke up I felt like I had a rock in my stomach so I decided to go for a walk around the village with Mia (Lao girl). We walked for about an hour around the whole village. We crossed a really sketchy bridge, but I figured if moto’s can drove on it then why can’t we.

Tendou invited us to stay for dinner, but I was still stuffed from lunch and I don’t eat dinner so I was not up for the idea, but I kept my mouth shut. Ben talked to the Lao students and they all wanted to get home for the night. The day at David’s was relaxing. It was nice to get out of the house and the city for the afternoon. I can’t wait till I get home and look out my window to see mountains!

Food and Fun Fair

May 4
Sunday

I have not been keeping up on my blogspot as much as I should. I will try and be better about it, but the end of the year is rolling around and I have lots to figure out before I leave in 2 months. So…what has happened in the last two weeks? Our school had a Food and Fun Fair to raise money for the school. We did this on May 4, which replaced another day. This particular day fell right after the King’s birthday; three days off (Tues-Thurs). So, all this week we don’t have school except for today. The Sunday (Food and Fun Fair (FAFF)) we had to come to school replaced Friday of this week. I was really excited to have this week off because I’m feeling paper thin. Also we have to get ready for the final testing. Even though I get four days off work this week I’m going to be working at home because I have to get all my tests done.

Ok, enough about what I have to do. I will elaborate on the Food and Fun Fair day. If I’m not mistaken I don’t think our school has done anything like this before (fundraising). So, it was a new experience for all the Khmer teachers. Even though I have been involved with a FAFF before I still didn’t know what to expect. I decided to do a Cake Walk for the littler kids. I was a little worried about how I was going to pay for all the food, but then Fay suggested that I ask my students to bring something. I did and it all worked out. I made cookies, Fay made brownies, Sharon made cup cakes, and Chanroth (my assistant) brought mango’s from here tree’s and cookies. My kids brought anything from hard candy to cakes. I was really excited to see them get into the game. They didn’t understand when I was trying to explain it, so I just showed them how to play a game. Once they caught on it was a really fun day. Not only did I get little kids, but I got older ones as well. Nova came and played the game I think two or three times and Boemey played too. I was a good day. Kim sold ice cream and coconut. Ben, well Ben couldn’t just sell one thing. He went all for it. Not only did he sell papaya salad, he had a raffle ticket lottery, but also rings to throw on pop cans. He really got into it. We had music playing during the event and he (Ben) and Rit were the DJ’s. I liked watching all the kids come to school with their parents to see what kind of school we are running. If I’m not mistaken government school don’t do things like this. So, when we asked (told) the kids they had to come to school on Sunday the parents didn’t quite understand, but I’m sure once they arrived they had a better understanding.

After the FAFF Boramey, Ung, Heap, Ne-lee, Ra-tan-ak, and I all went to the riverside. The night before Boramey and I were just coming back from something and we ran into Ung and Ne-lee so we decided to go get sugar cane juice and go out after the FAFF the next night. It was nice to get out of the house and do absolutely nothing. We literally just rode around on moto’s for at least a couple of hours. It was nice though. They did however show me the night market; it was nothing to brag about, same old things just in a different arrangement. I love the fact that I have made friends that are willing to show me things around town. Boramey had her camera that night and I will try and get those pictures from her so that you can see us out on the town.

Things to work out

April 28
Monday

Today Bunchhean didn’t come to school. I’m really worried he stopped study. This goes through my mind every time one of my kids is not at school. Sokhavath and David have already done this to me. If I would have known it was there last day I would have given them something to remember me by. By the end of the year I want to have one picture with each kid to give them. When get home I’m going to make a huge collage of this year and frame it. I’m also planning on get a picture drawn of my kids and I together. I want Pros to draw it, if he can. I already talked to him about it and he said, it would take him time, but he would try and do it. If that fails I will try and convince one of my really good friends Klaralyn to do it for me. It would mean so much to me. I really love all of my kids. When they know I’m having a hard day they always come and tickle my back. That is the key to my heart; man! I love it! All my friends know that I’m always trying to get them to either tickle my back or arm. I calms me down because when I was younger my Dad (Beaver) would tickle my back while I was about to fall asleep. Nonetheless my kids know this will put me at ease. I love them all! I hope that Bunchhean didn’t stop study because he was the better ones in my class.

I’m so proud of my kids. They are starting to read! Its really exciting to know that you taught them how! Every week we go over new spelling/reading words and almost the whole class could sound out the words. Obviously the ones that don’t pay attention in class don’t understand, but I can’t make them listen. Anyway, more than half of my class can sound out words. I’m so excited! This feeling only makes me want to become a teacher even more.

A little update on things with Katrina and I. We have been having some problems with a lot of things. I have done some things to her that I wish I hadn’t, but I can’t change the past. I can only hope and pray that she forgives me. I don’t blame her for her decision to move out, but I only wish she hadn’t because I now know that we won’t ever be friends again. I sometimes wonder why I was brought up here. What does God want to show me? Well, I think I figured only a little part of it out already. I feel he wanted to show me my weaknesses.

I have a problem with holding grudges, pride, self-centerness, and not being aware of other people feeling. I knew I had these problems before, but I guess I didn’t ever realize how much it effected others. I never wanted to be the person you had to walk on egg shells with. I wanted to be the person you can tell anything to because you could trust me. I was talking to my Dad (Jerry) and he said that maybe with all the stress of everything it can bring out the worst in all of us. He does have a point, but really I should have been more aware of her feeling. I am so disappointed in myself for what I have done to her and I just pray to God that she will forgive me. I am trying to change but it won’t happen in one day. These things take time; God needs to work on my heart. I still want to be her friend, but I fear she has washed her hands of me. Pray.

Here in about two weeks or so we have another break (10 days). I wanted to go to Vietnam, but I don’t think I’m going to go because I want to save money to go to Lao at the end of the year. It will be my last trip and last time to spend with the Lao students. I am planning on traveling with them by bus for two days. While I’m there I’m planning on seeing their families and homes. I have not talked to all of them about it, but the ones that I have talked to are really excited that I’m going. They really want to show me their country. I am really excited to go! I am planning on going to Sengphor’s house in the north with SingKham. Sengphor said it takes a couple of hours to get to his home town, but he said that when I get there we will go hiking around to see the countryside. I’m really happy that they want to show me their country. I will be by myself, but I know the Lao students will take care of me’ hopefully. I’m planning on staying there for about two weeks. I will be coming home (America) in the second or third week of July. I will be back before the 22^nd because I promised my brother that I would be there for his birthday. So this is my really really rough sketch of my plans for the rest of the year. I pray that it all works out.

Refiners Fire

April 26
Saturday

Today I started reading a new book entitled The Refiners Fire written by Gavin Anthony. Gavin is the son of Garth and Silvia her on the compound. Speaking of them, this will be their last Sabbath here. Garth has been having health problems from the heat and needed to retire early. Its going to be different without them here even though I didn’t get to know them that well the little I did talk to Silvia it was enjoyable. I still can remember her inviting Katrina, Ben, Kim and I over for tea. Which meant dinner and worship. It was pleasant.

Anyway, the book is about life’s suffering and how it all works out for the glory of God. For the past month or so I have been having a hard time here. It was only recently that it all started looking on the up side, but still with unpleasant moments. I realized that God was shaping me. He was bringing out the worst in me so that I can see my weaknesses. He was not doing this to punish me, but rather for me to fix them before they cause me to fall completely from him. I’m not going to lie. I have fallen from God. All the problems started the moment I put certain things before him. I have been so focused on them that I lost sight of what is really important. Reading the first chapter (Refiners Fire) this morning I realized God allowed problems to come my way so that I can realize my weaknesses and know that he is going to be there in hard times. We are all promised we are never alone in the dark. He is always the light.

I have been trying so hard to stay within a SDA community to help me not fall from Him. But you can’t let others do your work for yourself. Ben said something the other night during worship that really opened my eyes. He said, “If you don’t take time to truly know your God then how do you expect to be saved. When judgment day comes God is going to deny you because you don’t know him. You don’t have a personal relationship with him.” That pretty much made me apprehend the idea that just because I’m in a SDA community doesn’t mean I’m going to heaven because quite frankly I don’t have a very strong stance with God. Yes, I know of him, but I don’t truly know him. I don’t have a relationship with him. I have been counting on others to do my work for me. I have been relying on others to tell me about the Bible.

My God does love me and I know that, but do I love my God? Or do I love the idea of him? I still can remember the day I got baptized. I was crying my eyes out because I could feel the presence of the LORD their and I was truly sorry for all my sins. I was so happy because I was giving my life over a God who truly loves me even though I’m covered in sin.

I feel that God is communicating with me through other people and their words. He is trying to tell me to come back and cast all my burdens upon him. Why is it so hard for us to cast our troubles onto someone else? Really we should be rejoicing because we don’t have to worry about it anymore, but why is it that we have to fix everything ourselves? Well, maybe I shouldn’t speak on behalf of others, but for me I have such a hard time doing this. I am so stubborn. I want to fix everything myself, but in the end everything turns out worst.

Please pray that I finish out the rest of the year strong and grow closer to God. I need his help and need just to surrender ALL to him.